Your 2020 stress-baking horoscope
Maybe you made this in quarantine, or maybe you should try to now.
Aquarius | Jan. 20-Feb. 18
Crème brûlée: If you didn’t own a torch and ramekins before quarantine, you probably do now. Usually the host of your friends’ group dinner parties, you’ve been craving a dessert that feels just a bit fancy … even if you end up eating it on the couch in your pajamas. You always love a challenge and find joy in achievement, so perfecting your crème brûlée game was the perfect Saturday night mood-booster.
Pisces | Feb. 19-March 20
Microwave mug brownie: The desserts you eat have never needed an audience, least of all your ugly “I-think-this-is-edible” microwaved mug brownie concoction. You’re all about efficiency and cost savings in quarantine. All you really wanted was one XL brownie tonight — and who really enjoys chipping stale brownie crust off the 9-by-13 pan a few days later anyway? Not you — an intellectual — that’s for sure.
Aries | March 21-April 19
Confetti cake: You did not get to celebrate your birthday like you wanted to this year, and you’re still mad about it. That’s why you’ve been indulging extra hard in quarantine, because it’s only fair that your birthday turned into a birth month when you weren’t allowed to party. It’s likely you opted for confetti cake on the big day, because confetti cake is the OG birthday cake, and you felt nostalgic for more normal, simple times when your birthday meant all eyes on you.
Taurus | April 20-May 20
Rhubarb tart: You’ve always been practical and down-to-earth, which is why when you got the urge to flex your baking prowess, you opted to make a rhubarb tart — a fairly straightforward and in-season option. But you didn’t just make any rhubarb tart. You made a perfect, SHOW-STOPPING tart. Really, the stuff of legend. You were sure to document the moment, because you’re definitely going to tell your future kids about that one tart you made in quarantine.
Gemini | May 21-June 21
Biscuits: You tried to make them once before and it ended in a dry-mouth disaster, but you feel bold in quarantine. (And there’s the added element of having nothing better to do.) You might have taken The Baked Lab’s cheese onion biscuits virtual baking class, or maybe you were kicking yourself that you missed it. Either way, you’re a person who can make BISCUITS now.
Cancer | June 22-July 22
Cinnamon rolls: Your household was in need of some breakfast comfort food in quarantine, and an ooey-gooey batch of cinnamon rolls was just what the doctor ordered. Really, there has never been a better reason to eat cinnamon rolls for breakfast for two weeks straight. And you don’t mind the prep — because you’ve secretly been hoarding that last bit of icing left on the spatula before serving them up. Shhh. We won’t tell.
Leo | July 23-Aug. 22
Lemon poppy seed muffins: About halfway through quarantine, you found new zest and energy, and a craving for lemon poppy seed muffins. You’ve gotten in the groove of ordering groceries for pickup or delivery and thought this would be a good time to make these muffins, because you definitely don’t have the patience to find poppy seeds in the spice aisle yourself. The muffins ended up being underwhelming. But that didn’t faze you or your new can-do quarantine attitude.
Virgo | Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Bread pudding: Quarantine has been tough for you — maybe you’ve been dealing with a lot personally on top of dodging the virus. Which is why you turned to your grandma’s bread pudding recipe for some comfort. You impulse-bought too many loaves of bread anyway, so this puts it to good use. And it tasted every bit as warm and homey as you wanted it to be.
Libra | Sept. 23-Oct. 23
Chocolate chip cookies: You are driven to excel, even more so in quarantine. You’ve used a lot of your time on self-improvement, including honing your ability to make the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet. You investigated what feels like hundreds of recipe blogs and food sites in order to study every variation of the chocolate chip cookie. Now you’re confident you can put every other chocolate chip cookie recipe to shame.
Scorpio | Oct. 24-Nov. 21
Banana bread: You, plus everyone and their mother (and brother, and sister and distant cousin), have made banana bread during quarantine. Some loaves have looked like they could be on the cover of Bon Appétit, and others look like you combined mulch and water in a bread pan. Yet all have been delicious, and you’re pretty sure your banana bread beats all others you’ve seen on Instagram.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22-Dec. 21
Sourdough: Who in their right mind attempts sourdough bread to RELIEVE stress? You do, because you’re a glutton for agony. But you also know that finally mastering the art of making a good sourdough bread — a laborious, complicated and time-consuming recipe — grants you satisfaction that makes you feel like you can take on anything. You focused in on one baking task, and you accomplished it with flying colors (and really good sandwich bread).
Capricorn | Dec. 22-Jan. 19
Chocolate cake: Quarantine afforded you the exact window you’ve been looking for to take your dessert-baking hobby to the next level. Decorating is one of your favorite parts, so this time you decided to fancy up your quarantine chocolate cake on a live video, or maybe you shared the steps with friends later. Your creativity and steady hand are the envy of all your friends, and you’re secretly loving it even though you tell them, “Oh, it’s so easy!”
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