The Spam Report: Day #78: "The most happiest"

Published On: Jan 29 2014 11:04:53 AM CST
Happiest States - Generic
MY DESK: MADISON -

Happy Wednesday everyone. I'm sorry I missed yesterday but I was out of town for a story set to air on Monday. 

However, I'm making it up to you with today's submission to The Spam Report. You all know I give points for creativity and enjoy the flair that some of these come with.

Set aside our collective concerns about the spelling and grammar which is always a clear tip-off that something is awry and let's look at the meat of this note.

So, our note is from "Mrs. Mary Susan Derrick" and she says she was one of "those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me." In fact, she asserts she's out $50,000 trying to get them to pay.

She says she went to Washington then to get her money. Why exactly she went there instead of to Nigeria, I'm unclear, but while there, she met an agent with the FBI and a member of the "COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE in Europe." They told her she was being scammed and then, they took her to the "paying bank" where she received $15 million in compensation funds.

Now, Mrs. Mary Susan Derrick is the "the most happiest woman on earth."

Of course, she is, but wait, she's not writing to gloat, but to give me some advice.

"You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your funds is with them, it is not in anyway with them they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing."

This is brilliant stuff. I'm supposed to contact Mr. Kelvin Williams with the Compensation Award House. The only problem, well at least the biggest problem, is that the feds identified this as a scam back in 2009 and it has not gotten any less scammier in the four-plus years since. I think I just made up a word: "scammier."

Anyhow, this made me laugh until I worried that others might fall for this. Please don't. Just hit delete and it'll make me the "most happiest reporter on earth."

Take care,

Adam

-----Original Message-----
From: Mrs Mary Susan Derrick [mailto:adrian@sportmate.co.cu]
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2014 11:25 AM
Subject: Contact Agent Kelvin Williams Immediatly

Attn: My Dear,

I'm Mrs Mary Susan Derrick, I'm a USA citizen 48 years Old. I reside here in New Braunfels Texas My residential address is as follows 108 Crockett Court Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas 78130, I'm thinking of relocating since I'm now rich, I'm one of those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I have paid over $50,000 while in the United State trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel to WASHINGTON D.C with all my compensation documents, And I was directed by the ( F B I) Director to contact Agent Mr.Kelvin Williams who his a representative of the ( FB I ) and a member of the COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE in Europe and I contacted him, he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I'm the most happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of $15.000.000, Moreover, Mr Kelvin Williams showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payment and I saw your email address as one of the beneficiaries,that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you i will advise you to contact Mr.Kelvin Williams.

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

COMPENSATION AWARD HOUSE

Name: Mr Kelvin Williams

Email:kelvin_williams@consultant.com

Phone:+18457045486

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your funds is with them, it is not in anyway with them they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.

The only money I paid after I met Mr.Kelvin Williams was just $400 for the paper works take note of that.

Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact Mr.Kelvin Williams so that he can help you to Deliver your fund instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.

Mrs. Mary Susan Derrick

108 Crockett Court.

Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas 78130,