Today's submission from Janet G. is awesome. It's funny, clever, ridiculous and full of the bad spelling, poor logic and tortured grammar that we've come to love in this blog.
It's so convoluted that to try to explain in detail led me to remember one of my favorite scenes in The Princess Bride: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZYhDMCOyww and it has all the breathless drama of Princess Buttercup marrying Humperdink in little less than half an hour, so let me sum up.
The FBI's "Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division," which I'm guessing is supposed to be the "Monetary Crimes Division" (Editor's note: That cracked me up) is looking into $10.5 million sent to Janet's bank account by the Central Bank of Nigeria through "secret diplomatic transit payment (S.T.D.P). (Editor's note #2: I love the acronym).
Apparently, secret diplomatic transit payments or S.T.D.P.s are used for drugs, terrorist activity or money laundering. Thus, the FBI's "Monitory Crimes Division" wants to know: "Why must your payment be made in such secret transfer?"
They want Janet to contact them right away, within three days, or they're going to confiscate the funds and prosecute her for money laundering.
"You are warned," the email ends ominously.
It's really good stuff. I'd encourage you to read it and then, laugh appropriately. The FBI is not going to email you about money laundering and threaten your prosecution that way. Not going to happen. Nor is the fact that a bank in Nigeria is sending you millions of dollars.
If you have an email you want to warn your neighbors about or you want to make them laugh as Janet's does today, please send it to me: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org and then, just hit delete.
Have a great day.
From: Deputy Director/FBI <email@example.com>
To: Undisclosed recipients:;
Sent: Mon, Apr 21, 2014 9:38 am
Subject: Attention Beneficiary
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
This is to officially inform you that the Central Bank in Nigeria has wired the sum of Ten Million, Five hundred thousand U.S Dollars into Bank of America in your name as the beneficiary.
The said funds are still under intense investigation from this office regarding its source.
The Central Bank of Nigeria knowing full well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment directly into your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (S.T.D.P) to pay this fund through wire transfer.
They are still waiting for final confirmation from you on the already transferred funds, to enable them credit your account accordingly.
However, Secret diplomatic transfer payments are normally funds related to drug/terrorist and money laundering system of payment.
The Question now is, why must your payment be made in such secret transfer? If your transaction is legitimate and not related to drug/terrorism, why can’t the Central Bank in Nigeria effect direct transfer into your account than secret diplomatic payment transfer?