I realize what I'm about to share with you will fully qualify me as a dork in many of your eyes. Ok, reality check here, more of a dork than you likely already believe since I spend every day writing about spam emails and randomly finding YouTube videos from Mission Impossible to the Mary Tyler Moore show.

Well, one of my favorite things to do when I was in college, was to come up with fun metaphors over a couple of beers with friends. This is what happens when you're too dorky to actually be out on dates.

Anyhow, we enjoyed coming up with metaphors to describe someone who was a bit dim-witted. Phrases like, "A couple fries short of a Happy Meal," or "A couple rings short of the Olympic symbol," or "Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree," or "A couple candles short of the Menorah on the 8th night of Hanukkah" are those that pop to mind.

In today's viewer-submitted Spam Report, I present to you a man who will never be described by one of those metaphors. No, Dick P. in Mauston did not fall for the "Eviction Notice" he received by email a couple months ago for one simple, obvious reason.

"Since our home does not have a mortgage," he wrote me, "this email is a liiiiiiitle suspicious."

Having that suspicion is healthy. I always encourage folks to be skeptical, not cynical, but skeptical in life as that means they're asking questions.

You'll find that sometimes the answers, as Dick knows, are extremely obvious. By the way, I love who this email is from: "Real estate agency, Elizabeth Smith." It's a bank and eventually, a Sheriff's deputy, that can evict you, not any kind of a real estate agency, for what it's worth.

Thanks Dick for sharing.

If you have an email or scam you want to warn your neighbors about, please send it to me: and then, just hit delete.

Take care.


From:Eviction notice

Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2014 10:44 AM


Subject: Eviction Notice

Notice of eviction,

This notice is to inform you that your home has been foreclosed
on by the bank and you need to move out until March 22, 2014.
To make necessary arrangements you have to contact
us in the earliest possible time.

If you decide to cooperate and fulfill you obligations,
the bank will offer you a reasonable period of time for moving out.
Otherwise, you will be evicted in an administrative proceeding.
Please do contact us in the shortest possible time.

Enclosed is the detailed statement of the bank.

Real estate agency,
Elizabeth Smith