No. 2: Chocopalooza!

There is only a handful (so to speak) of food items that almost every one loves: cheese, chicken and chocolate. Armed with this knowledge, you must do what is your inalienable right, nay duty, as a red, white and blue-blooded American capitalist: exploit it for monetary gain.

"Chocopalooza!" can also be mutually beneficial. Here's how. Invite local restaurants and pastry chefs to prepare samples of their favorite or signature chocolate desserts.

This idea is likely to take more planning and organizing than the others on this list, but it should also bring in a corresponding amount of people and money.

One suggestion is to advertise the event as a chocolate tasting. Rent a banquet hall. Or better yet, see if they'll provide their space for free, whereby they could set up a cash bar or something to make it worthwhile for them. You could increase your odds by offering to split the proceeds.

Oh, and one last thing, try as hard as you can not to eat all of the chocolate yourself.

Our last fundraising idea isn't a tasty as chocolate, but it's nearly as much fun ...

cow in grass field

No. 1: Cow pie bingo

It is an undeniable fact of life: what goes in, must come out. Every living creature on Earth that eats and digests its food for sustenance and/or fun will have to rid itself of the unusable waste inevitably produced via this digestion process.

Even so, it's still funny.

This ubiquitous waste byproduct goes by a wide variety of names, both colloquial and formal. For our purposes here, we shall refer to it as "pie," as in cow pie.

Call it cow pie bingo, or cow pie lotto, or cow pie roulette, or come up with your own name. The funnier the better. Then paint a board with numbered squares on an enclosed fairly large patch of grass. Place one cow in said grass patch (and, yes, renting or borrowing a cow, especially for a good cause, is easier than you would think). Then have people bet on the numbered square they think the cow is going to leave its "pie."

Remember another undeniable fact of life: nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. And cow pie bingo will unquestionably attract a crowd, at least until the smell hits their nostrils.

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