By Neil Heinen and Nancy Christy
Madison Magazine
Special To Channel 3000

Hello, our names are Nancy and Neil and we'll be writing a column for you this month. May we get you a little background information to start or would you like to get right to the point? We'll just sit down here for a minute and…" Oh, no we don't! Not here, and certainly not in a restaurant. Actually the whole server introduction -- I'm-your-pal-for-the-evening thing -- has become a cliché. But it still happens and, more importantly, the actual process of waiting on a dining patron is still one of the most difficult and subtle skills to master in the hospitality business.

The relationship between the customer and the server is a delicate balance and can make a dining experience lovely or miserable. We've had both, so we think it is important enough to warrant attention from both the restaurant management and the patrons themselves. We go out to eat to be served and taken care of, not to be joined for dinner. It's a restaurant's job to mentor and educate the server to help the customers get the dining experience they want. But it's the diner's job to ask the right questions.

Twenty years ago (and we still remember it well) we were celebrating a special occasion at Café Provençal in Evanston, Illinois -- at the time one of the top restaurants in the country. It was a modern interpretation of French cooking. We had an absolutely wonderful evening -- great food and professional and gracious service -- and we were enchanted. Not wanting the evening to end, we decided to linger with an after-dinner drink. In a moment of expansiveness, we inquired about a cognac, and believe it or not, told our server to pick one. Looking back on it, we know that was potentially a really dumb move. But our server handled our "customer's blunder" with aplomb and grace. He brought a very good but moderately priced French brandy, keying in to our aesthetic wavelength without taking advantage of us. It was a classy move by a knowledgeable and confident server who succeeded in making our evening truly memorable.

Contrast that with our dinner a few months ago at Prinsen's in Stockholm, Sweden -- also celebrating a special occasion. This time, the restaurant featured a Swedish interpretation of Mediterranean cooking. But what caught our eye were the dishes highlighted as slow food, the international movement that emphasizes local, sustainably produced foods. Unsolicited, our server recommended one of them and, ignoring a few slow-food dishes that sounded more promising, we bit. Ouch! The dish was bad. There was a clear failure to communicate, and we should have known better.

The whole negotiation of recommendations is complicated. At the Wilson Street Grill, we taught our servers two things: just because you like a dish doesn't mean the customer will, and, therefore, when asked for a recommendation, probe a little deeper. Ask customers what they like, what their preferences are. And then try to suggest some compatible choices. Mary Ward, one of this city's top restaurant professionals, recently helped us navigate our first visit to the Capital Chophouse. Her suggestions were perfect. And she didn't need to introduce herself first Madison needs more like her.

Likewise, a customer, rather than simply asking for a recommendation, should describe some things that he or she likes and then request some suggestions. A good server will be able to provide that, and it's a much more valuable contribution to the meal than his or her name. The server is not a part of the night out but rather a facilitator to make the evening as enjoyable as possible.

The genuine article will be knowledgeable, helpful, efficient, subtly solicitous and, we suggest, memorable for remaining anonymous.

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