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Professor Wrestling: Rip City

10 Things I Don't Like About 'Raw'

POSTED: 11:13 pm CDT May 25, 2006

Listen up!

Class is in session.

Kevin from Minnesota wrote in this week, complaining about the current state of WWE "Raw," urging me to rip the product in this hallowed column.

Good idea, glad to oblige. But don't quit your day job, K-man. This column is mine!

Rip One: ECW on Sci-Fi
WWE has announced it will spin off its Extreme World Championship brand (currently stinking up "Raw") to the Science Fiction network. A regular ECW show on Sci-Fi? A strange fit if you ask me. It doesn't sound like that marriage will last long. On the plus side, Sci-Fi is a place where quality lives. The best show on television, the revamped "Battlestar Galactica," is Sci-Fi fare. ECW's aging roster is familiar with the show. That is, the original "Battlestar," from 28 years ago.

Rip Two: The overall ECW Push
Mick Foley and Edge versus Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer at the next ECW pay-per-view? Yuk. Can Funk even walk? Except for Edge, I don't want to spend money watching has-beens get "extreme." Unless there's new blood in the mix, let that brand die an honorable death, and let's get on with life. Is ECW the next XFL?

Rip Three: Edge In Limbo
Earth to Vince McMahon: This guy is one of your most talented talkers and workers. Let him wear the gold, replacing the underwhelming John Cena as WWE Champion. (The two are scheduled to meet on the June 25 "Vengeance" PPV.) Edge is being wasted in this ECW match. As for Cena, one fan had it right -- holding up a sign that said, "I've Cena Nuff."

Rip Four: Vince McMahon's Acting
Normally, I don't mind VKM's dopey macho routine -- it's kind of funny. But when his son Shane was accidentally hit by Triple H's sledge hammer on "Raw" a few weeks ago, Vince cradled him in the ring and sobbed hysterically. Uh, the kid was just knocked silly Vince. He wasn't involved in a drive-by shooting. Tone it down a bit. I still have to think this is somewhat believable, otherwise why watch?

Rip Five: The Return Of D-Generation X
Triple H and Shawn Michaels are expected to get back together for the "Vengeance" PPV. Not a bad idea on the surface, but here's the problem: DX will be a babyface faction. Good guy rebels? With the exception of Stone Cold Steve Austin, that rarely works. But if you're going to go through with it , don't forget about Chyna -- she could probably use a payday.

Rip Six: The Spirit Squad
They were great when they first came on the scene. Now, they're suddenly overexposed. That didn't take long. Having to fill a lot of TV time will do that to a gimmick.

Rip Seven: Eugene
I can't stand this character. Get rid of him. Now. The gimmick is stupid and boring, and the guy stuck with it (Nick Dinsmore) deserves better.

Rip Eight: Goldust
Call me goofy, but I actually think Goldy has a lot more to offer, but not as a mid-card loser. Either put him in the spotlight again, or don't bother.

Rip Nine: Kane's Movie
I didn't see "See No Evil," and I don't plan on it. Kane didn't poke out my eyeballs, it's just not my cup of Joe. If Vince wants Kane to be an actor, he should demand that he act like a wrestler and have a decent match with Big Show. (And if that were to happen, they'd deserve an Emmy.) By the way -- word to the wise -- the can't-miss wrestling-related movie premieres in June. It's Jack Black's "Nacho Libre." Do yourself a huge favor and check out the trailer, right here.

Rip Ten: Why Isn't Ric Flair WWE Champion?
I guess the greatest wrestler to ever live is too busy being squashed by the legendary Umaga. Give me a break, Vince. Give the Nature Boy one more run, let him retire on top and then have him lead a new faction of the Horsemen.

I know. I sound like a broken record on that last one. Don't like it? Then unscramble this sentence: TGE ROUY WNO MNLUCO!

That's it!

Now scram. Class dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting. Are you irritated about something in the wrestling world? E-mail him right here. The best gripes will make a future column.)




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